Dinner with the Johnny's
by XoXHarleyQinnXoX
Summary: Wonka, Edward, Sweeney, Hatter, Cry-baby: Five Johnny's, One dinner, and about 4 pairs of high heeled boots. Read it. It's hilarious.


Okay I love Johnny so much that this little idea kept tap-dancing (horribly I might add) in the back of my mind like "WRITE ME ON FAN !" And thus this story was born! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I owned any of these movies would I really be writing fan fictions? Look up the definition of FAN and FICTION lol

Clonk. Clonk. Clonk. Clonk. It seemed that someone wearing some form of high-heels was coming down the hallway into the den where Tarrant Hightop (aka Mad Hatter) and Captain Jack Sparrow sat fighting over the dreaded topic: Rum VS Tea. Suddenly the door burst open and the men looked up.

"Good evening star shine! The Earth says 'Hello'!" The man had purple leather-like gloves, a berry colored jacket, the expected high-heeled boots, a top hat, white, purple-tinted glasses, and ear length brown hair. "Good evening! I must say I _do _like your hat!" said Tarrant.

"You look like a girl…" Jack muttered so nobody could hear. "MUMBLER! Seriously, I cannot hear a _word_ you're saying!" The man, named Willy Wonka, shouted.

"When the heck do we get food?" Jack said impatiently. They had been invited into this huge house by someone they didn't know and were to be served dinner in the grand dining room.

"Patients Jack!" Tarrant said, smiling overly optimistically. "That's _Captain_ Jack to you." _Captain_ Jack replied crossly.

"Allison I'm- woah!" a handsome young man in a leather jacket with his hair flipped back came through the door. "You're not Allison!" He pointed at Wonka. "Eh, who cares? Is there gonna be lemonade at this party?"

"L-lemonade?" they hadn't noticed the young man with pale, now greenish, skin and messy hair standing in the shadows. He stepped out a little and you could see that he had scissors for hands. The others jumped back a little, except Tarrant. "I prefer tea!" "Oh shut up!" Jack said.

Now you could hear another man walking down the hallway. "Good evening, gentlemen." This man had dark, cold eyes, black hair with a white strip, and something shiny that you could barely see from under his coat. Everyone stared at him.

"If you will follow me I will show you to the dining area." He said, leading them down the hallway. "By the way, my name is Sweeney Todd and in no way or form have I ever been called Benjamin Barker, in case you were wondering." He said nervously. Nobody was going to ask, but they certainly weren't going to now.

They arrived in the room which had a large table, engraved with extravagant designs. The chandelier that hung above the table barely lit the room but it did leave a rainbow that reached from wall to wall. Sweeney hated the infernal rainbow.

They began small chit chat and waited patiently (except Jack) for their meal to be served. "Twinkle twinkle little bat! How I-" The hatter was cut off by the others shouting, "NO!"

Finally a woman with messy auburn hair in a black dress came in with a trey holding two drinks came into the room from what looked like the kitchen. She gasped and Jack immediately got up and started to leave. "A guest!" She walked over to Jack.

"Wait! Where's your rush, what's your hurry? You gave me such a fight I thought he was a ghost half a minute!" She pointed to Edward. "Can't ya sit? Sit ya down! SIT!" She pushed him back into his chair. "All I meant is that I haven't had a guest for months!" She continued singing. "Did you bring 'em for a pie, Todd?" She asked Sweeney through song. "Do forgive me if me head's a little vague!"

"What is that?" Jack asked pointing at a roach in the middle of the table as Wonka picked it up and ate it then spat it back out, thinking it was chocolate.

"But you'd think we had the plague! From the way the neighbors keep avoiding! No ye don't!" She pushed the bad-boy, whose name was Wade "Cry-baby" Walker, back into his chair.

"Can we eat? PLEASE?" Jack practically screamed from across the table. "Right then!" she went back into the kitchen bringing in some glasses and a bottle all balanced on her right arm and an abundance of pies on her shoulders, left arm, on top of her head, and one actually in her mouth. She put them all on the table. "I'm Mrs. Lovett…. Todd soon…" She looked at Sweeney who was chanting something under his breath and staring into the distance. "Never mind…"

"Finally! Rum!" Jack exclaimed grabbing his share. "No not rum. Tea!" Tarrant said. "No not tea!" Said Mr. Lovett. "So it is rum?" "No not rum!" "Then what is it?" "It's gin." "its alcohol. I'm happy." "Oh I'd rather have lemonade…" "L-Lemonade?" they went on and on until Sweeney broke into song. "I will have vengeance! I will have salvation! All right you sir!" His razor was out and pointed at Wonka. "That," Wonka interrupted. "Is sharp."

Mrs. Lovett led him away. "Talk amongst your selves." Jack drank pretty much all the gin, except Cry-Baby's; he managed to steal his back. Edward stayed silent and looked around the room the entire time. Tarrant and Wonka were in a "riveting" conversation about hats. Cry-baby sat there in silence, glaring at Jack.

"What on Earth were you thinking, Mr. T? We can't kill 'em in front of the others! They'll run for the police! Wait 'til dinner's over and we'll take 'em separately!" Mrs. Lovett pleaded with Sweeney outside the door. "Fine. But what'll I do 'til then?" he asked. "Go beat up ol' wots-his-name Italian barber with a kettle?" she suggested and pushed him toward the door and once he was gone she went back to dinner and brought them a chocolate cake, which they were scared to eat after the odd taste of her pies. Jack swore he found a toe in his.

"I think I speak for everyone when I say: Mr. Todd? Scariest. Man. Ever." Cry-baby said. "Well don't you worry." She then began to sing. "Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around! Nothing's-"

"I swear if you sing again!" Jack now had his pistol trained on her. "Right then!" she replied moving behind Wonka in a human shield like fashion.

Once dinner was finished Sweeney came back in. "Jack? May I see you for a moment? You look like you could use a shave. I am, after all a barber." So he led Jack into his new parlor and…. Well… disposed of him. He did the same with the others, except Edward, whom he kept as an apprentice, so long as he tells nobody of their little secret.

A week later I went into the pie shop. I bit into a pie to find a pirates bandana. I dropped that pie and grabbed another. This one had a tear rolling down the crust. The next tasted like chocolate (I ate that one) and grabbed another. This one had a miniature hat inside it; I decided these pies were not edible. I turned around to find Edward Scissorhands staring at me.

"Run." Was all he said. I did so, remembering that I was in Mrs. Lovett's pie shop. If I wasn't careful, Sweeney would come after me.

When I got home those pies reminded me of some people I knew of. And I made up this story about why the pies may have been like that.

Clonk. Clonk. Clonk. Clonk. It seemed that someone wearing some form of high-heels was coming down the hallway.

Hope you enjoyed! I had to put a lot on Sweeney in there because I love him! Lol Peace Love and Johnny Depp! –


End file.
